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 House of Nightmares

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Aracely Lopez
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PostSubject: House of Nightmares   Tue Jan 08, 2013 3:29 pm

I plan on writing a book, but I wanted to get some opinions on it. This is part of the first chapter. The ending to this is irritating me, so I need some suggestions.





September 14, 1853


The house was silent this late at night, so silent a pin dropping would
have been heard clear throughout its empty halls. It was late at night,
the grandfather clock in the foyer just sounding as the minute and hour
hands indicated it was three. Emma awoke with a start, a stir in the
atmosphere having been the cause of her disrupted sleep. The child
clutched her old teddy bear in her arms, wide blue eyes darting about
her room, nervously licking her lips.

“Mommy?” She tried calling out, but her voice had left her. Getting no
response, she climbed out of bed and exited her room, making her way to
her parents' bedroom through the dark hallways. Stopping before the
door, she tried again, fear evident in her high-pitched, childish voice.


“Mommy? Daddy?”

Still no reply came, and she reached for the knob, twisting it and
pushing the door open. The room was dark, the only light visible through
sheer drapes hanging from a two foot wide window opposite her parents'
bed. Emma's eyes drifted from the window to the bed where – wait, what
was that? Squinting, she came closer to the bed, eying a spreading red
stain beneath her mother and father.

Her tiny body froze as she realized it was blood, and her mouth opened
to let out a scream, but a hand clamped over it before a sound could be
uttered. Hot breath caressed the child's ear as a male voice spoke in a
whisper.

“Quiet child, I will be as merciful as possible if you do not make a
sound.” He took the hand away and as soon as she could draw a breathe
she began screaming. Dropping her bear to the floor, she turned to run
out, but before she could take a step, strong arms wrapped around her
waist and no matter how hard she fought, kicked and screamed nothing
worked. He carried her into the adjoining bathroom, and with one arm
still around the little girl, the killer strung a noose around her neck,
lifting her so her feet dangled close to the edge of the claw-footed
tub.

Emma couldn't see what he was doing, but she suddenly felt him jerk her
back, the rope rubbing against her skin, creating ligature marks. The
screams lodged in her throat as sheer terror seized her, and she knew
she was going to die. Her body went limp as he dragged her through the
bedroom, weaved through the halls, climbing up the grand staircase until
they reached the top.

The girl shook, eyes sliding to the side to see what the man was doing,
even though she already had a clue. He tied the end of the rope tightly
and securely around the banister, and now as he lifted her up over the
edge, she tried one last thing.

“No! Please! Don't do this! What happened to mommy and daddy?!”

“No worrying yourself with them child. You shall be reunited soon.” He
let her go, and her body dropped, twisting in panic as she tried to grab
onto something to stop her fall only to bounce slightly as the rope
snapped taut. Swaying from the momentum of her struggle, Emma opened her
mouth to speak, but she could only gasp for air as the noose slowly
stole her ability to breathe. Not long after reaching the pinnacle of
her descent she began to see spots, the world around her tunneling into
darkness until it was black and she slipped into oblivion.


Last edited by Aracely Lopez on Thu Jan 10, 2013 4:50 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Edited this part with help from my boyfriend)
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Ranik
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Wed Jan 09, 2013 11:06 am

I'll read it in a bit and let you know. Smile
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Mike
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Wed Jan 09, 2013 11:16 am

Its pretty good
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Aracely Lopez
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Wed Jan 09, 2013 11:49 am

Alright Smile

And thank you :3
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Fri Jan 11, 2013 7:31 am

Nightmares. Damn, yo...you a dark mofuckkaaaa.
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Fri Jan 11, 2013 3:18 pm

LOL xD I love horror, what can I say?
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 6:35 am

I like comedy and fantasy...
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 6:43 am

I like fantasy too

<--big Harry Potter fan for 11 years and counting :3
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 6:44 am

I like eragon series
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 6:46 am

I just read Eragon Sad didn't get to read the rest. My boyfriend has them and he said when I move in with him I can read them. Then again he'll be borrowing my books more than I will his lol. I'm a bibliophile
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 6:47 am

lol I'm on the fourth book want to know some secrets Troll
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 6:58 am

nooo I don't xD I already have a bad habit of taking a peek at the end of the book to see what happens
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 7:01 am

well eragons real last name is B*******
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 7:08 am

o.o that tells me nothing
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 7:12 am

exactly....
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 7:20 am

lol
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 11:49 am

I know what that means! Haha
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 11:56 am

that what does it mean?
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 12:20 pm

what does what mean? o.o
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 12:31 pm

I'm asking him if he knows what i said
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 12:42 pm

i like this story it was very well writen i hope you do more like this Smile
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Aracely Lopez
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 1:30 pm

Ooh I see

and I will be continuing this, but I'll only be letting 3 people read it as I write it, my boyfriend, a friend and one more person. Don't know who yet :p
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 1:33 pm

Surprised what about me Smile you can pick me i keep secrets ;3
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 1:49 pm

lol okay tounge
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PostSubject: Re: House of Nightmares   Sat Jan 12, 2013 2:20 pm

woot :DDDD
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